Everything is Going to be Okay

I moved from Holly's house and I am currently staying with my mother. The sound of her voice is making me want to commit murder, and possible become a cannibal. It will not be long before you see me on the news, "Local woman caught grilling her mother's vocal cords. Says it has the texture of octopus..." However, I have found a roommate. Today's snowy weather has prevented me from leaving. I will head out tomorrow.

I am not in too much of a cooking funk anymore. When I first moved in, I cooked every night. I made a beautiful stuffed chicken breast with steamed broccoli and carrots and mashed potatoes. I was so hungry, I forgot to take a picture. I also made a lovely lunch of tomato basil soup and a mixed green salad, topped with grilled salmon. My mother likes rice and sauteed zucchini, so I make that a lot. We eat a lot of rice around here. I feel so bloated from all the tiny grains just sitting in my gut. I have put on a little weight here because I have been stressed out and eating a lot of chocolate. That will end now that I am moving. I live close to the University of Utah's Field House and I will have my own cute little kitchen. I noticed my roommate eats a lot of rice, too, but I am going to do my best to avoid grain all together, or try brown rice.

I want to take my blog more seriously, so I have decided to get a book on food blogging to teach me how to get your jerks to read this. I know nobody reads my blog. I get paid to blog, you would think I would have learned how to capture an audience. I also decided that I am going to make a small book of all of my food pictures. I am starting small and I made a calendar. If I like how the calendar looks, I will print a few out and try to sell that. I will use all the money I make to buy fresh, local ingredients to cook more. I want to learn new recipes and take really great pictures of my food, so I can share my recipes and my passion with all of you who don't read my blog.

I should go, I spiked my hot cocoa with Pinnacle Whipped Vodka and it is getting cold. Good night and good eating.

Keep Your Mouthshut and Keep Chewing

It has come to my attention that although I am not cooking, I am still eating. Who knew. I cannot say I am eating well, but I can say I am eating. Per my usual there is a lot of tension in my life and the people I choose to associate with, so this holiday season I have just kept my mouth shut and continued chewing. I have found other creative outlets this season, such as crafting. I made a few really pretty wreaths for my soon to be new apartment and look forward to hanging them in my own place. I have also made some new amazing friends and we eat together pray together and love together. They have become very special people in my life and I greatly appreciate them. We cook very simple and delcious meals of rice, vegetables, and fish and It is very enjoyable. I think the food tastes about 100 times better because the company is so spectacular. As those of you who read this (if any), probably have figured out this 2012 was NOT my year and I had to overcome far too much and I am so thankful for a new year and a new job and my new friends and my soon to be new apartment and all together new life. I have a lot of great things to look forward to this year and I feel like for once, things will go right for me. I am completely done with school, I have learned to live with practically nothing (which I actually like), I may not be cooking or baking as much as I want, but I have found other things I am really good at and enjoy doing a lot. Now I just need my personal blog to do as well as the blog I get paid to write. Oh yeah, I am officially a paid writer. Did I forget to mention that? :)


Lets talk New Years resolutions, shall we...
I have decided that I am not going to sit here and make an unrealistic list of things I will and will not do this year. I am going to continue my practice of changing how I react to things, not taking things so personally, continue staying in the present, meditating and doing yoga, and being the best person I can be. I just want to continue working on the goals I set for myself earlier this year so I don't set myself up for failure. I am aware of my flaws and the only ones I am going to fix are the ones that make me unhappy, not the ones you don't like. That is probably my resolution: I will work on making myself happy and now worrying about how other people feel about me. I will practice being myself instead of getting wrapped up in what I think others want from me. That makes me feel so selfish since I am a people pleaser, but I need to just not care what other people think and make sure I can stand me because I have to live with me everyday. But for fun, this is what I want my resolutions to be:
1. Eat More
2. Drink more wine
3. Write in my blog more
4. Make more hilarious self-depricating comments about myself
5. Spend more time with my friends
6. Be less bitter, but drink more bitters

Dinner and a Rosette

The world of culinary art has been unkind to me. There is nobody to cook for and those I have cooked for have liked it, and the food has been good, but it just wasn't enough for me. Something is missing and I can't seem to figure out what it is... ummm... maybe it is the fact that I am cooking in other people's kitchens and I don't have one of my own and the fact that my life is being held hostage and I don't have anything that belongs to me. I have been so lonely lately because nobody will let me cook. I wanted to roast a duck for Thanksgiving and make a real fest, but nobody wanted it. I wanted to do the same for Christmas, and my parents want to go out. I have cooked for a few friends and that has been fun, but once again, in their kitchens. There is something unkind about that to me. It seems violating and weird and I am not sure why. I had one disaster. I made lavender rosette teacakes and they tasted like bath oil. They were very cute and pretty, but lord they tasted like I licked someone's foot after an aromatic bath.

I did make a pretty good meal for my friend. He invited me over to cook dinner for him and I made my stuffed chicken with spinach and provolone cheese and added a wonderful mushroom cream sauce to the top, a recipe that was my inner Julia Child. He bought a soft red and I was not happy about it. He said not everything is about me. I found it selfish considering I was a guest for one and two, he isn't a wine drinker. Maybe things are not about me, but the wine should be my choice. I guess he felt that since he paid for it he could buy what he wanted and it wasn't about making me, his guest happy. He did it to prove a point in my opinion. This is the difference between my culture at home and everyone else's. My mom raised me better than that. Say what you want about her, but I have great manners and when I invite someone to my house and have them cook for me, I let them pick the wine and I certainly wouldn't go out and buy a sweet wine knowing they love full bodied. I have broken up with men for much less and I have learned my lesson with that one: Always bring my own wine. I don't deal well with men who do things just be controlling and prove a point and I felt that was his point. It was just rude in my opinion. I drank it and it was fizzy, sweet and did not go with what I cooked, but it did make a great deglaze, considering it was basically cooking wine. At any rate, I am completely miserable without a kitchen. I am at my mother's house, but she never eats. My step dad doesn't care about food and feels it is a waste of money to spend on anything but canned soup. I am so excited for the day when I get all my cooking stuff back and I have my own kitchen and I can listen to my cheesy 60 style French pop music in my cute apron and sing and cook and have people over who enjoy my cooking. I am sure I will find someone someday.

My Pretend Lunch with my Pretend Friends

My recipes kept me awake last night. I couldn't stop thinking about frosting cupcakes and all the different kinds of muffins I wanted to make; about lobster macaroni and cheese, roasted legs of lamb and roasted vegetables in duck fat that I rendered myself. These are thoughts of a fat kid. Pinterest isn't helping my food-insomnia either. Now that dinner is gone in our house, I feel like I have no reason to get up in the morning. The remaining members of this household are not much for dinner as I mentioned and I hate making lunch for myself. I have little motivation to write my blog because there is nobody to cook for. This is literally causing me depression. I get so sad when I have to cook for myself as I am doing now. However, I do plan on pretending someone else is eating this with me today. That is an indicator of insanity. I have an invisible guest coming over for lunch and she and I are going to talk about my great finds from Savers and DI I found yesterday and how her family is doing and how she wishes she had the energy to cook like I do. After lunch she will help with the dishes and tell me how brave I am that I am starting my life over and lucky I am because I get to build a new career and how I should be bragging about my new found freedom. I developed either a Summer Eve commercial or a lifetime movie. I am not sure which one is worse for my scenario here.
Today, she and I are going to have stuffed chicken breast and herb tomatoes with cheese and a glass of red wine, or three.

I took a chicken breast and I butterflied it. I lightly seasoned it with salt and pepper and pan seared it a tiny bit in some olive oil. Then I spread a thin layer (who am I kidding, I loaded it up) with garlic goat cheese and spinach, threw in some rosemary and thyme, broke up a piece of provolone cheese on top of the spinach and closed the breast up with a few skewers to keep it shut. I covered the top in herb butter (soft butter from the butterbell with herbs de province) and put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Then I turned on the broiler to really let that butter brown the top of the chicken. Then I sliced up tomatoes from the garden and drizzled them with olive oil. Lightly salted and peppered and chopped up fresh basil and covered them in provolone cheese and put them under the broiler until the cheese bubbled with angry brown bubbles. I dusted them with   parmigiano-reggiano cheese

The Chicks

We have beautiful chickens in the backyard. There are Aracaunas, Leghorns, Rhode Island Reds, Plymouth Rocks, one Sexlink, one other, I believe. The good news is that they lay big, beautiful eggs, the sad news is they are laying fewer since the days are shorter and it is getting colder. However, there is more good news. The Aracauna chickens are laying eggs and guess what!!?? THEY ARE BLUE! It is so cool! I have never seen blue eggs. I can't say they taste different, I am just so happy they are laying. We average about 8 a day still and I have been actually enjoying making breakfast. I love breakfast, but I hate to make it. I want to enjoy it. I want someone else to make breakfast, but lately, I have been making eggs and it has been fun and delicious. It is really enjoyable to have these chickens and it is so cute to watch the rabbits chase each other in the morning as I stare out the window, drinking my coffee and eating my breakfast. 

Is There Anything Cake Can't Do?

Since I have moved in with the Starks', Eli and I have had our ups and downs. Lately, more downs than ups. His mother is a lot nicer than I am and more tolerate of his awful behavior. As a person who has been in education for over 10 years, I have a different approach to children than a mother would. Not only that, but I am firm, direct, and I will sit there and let you starve if you throw a fit about dinner. It is his choice if he wants to eat or not. And if his choice is to storm off and kick a box very loudly for 45 mins, fine. Wear yourself out! But, I guess I am just mean and it is why I don't have kids. However, Eli and I bonded today.

Eli loves Cake Boss. This is a show I used to watch a lot, too. Not so much anymore. However, I watched it with him last night. He started asking me questions about the history, asking me if I know certain techniques like the Cake Boss uses, etc. It was wonderful. By the end of the night, he was in the chair, sitting with me and we were talking about cake. It was so wonderful.

Today Eli and I decided to make cookies together. He wanted to make Halloween sugar cookies and frost them. He actually paid really close attention and wanted to help. He said, "this is the most funnest day I have ever had!" Every part was his favorite part. Sifting the flours, pouring in the eggs, adding the sugar. He even tried gluten free cake for the first time. 


After we finished our dough for the cookies, we let it set in the freezer and went out to dinner for his brother's birthday. His plan was for us to bake and frost them while the family watched Waking Dead. We are not fans of the show because we think it is gross (second bonding moment of the day!) But, before we went to dinner, we decided to bake a cake since the baking bug had crawled into our brains.

We made a gluten free, pumpkin spice bundt cake with a cream cheese drizzle and a walnut crumble (walnuts I shelled myself from walnuts in the backyard!) It was perfect. He was so helpful and helped me with the dishes. He said he would be the dish drier and went on about how he would never be a dishwasher at a restaurant :) This seven year old boy worked so hard today. The boy who never tries new things tried something new. I got him to shower, wear pants, and clean without being asked. I couldn't believe it. I actually convinced a seven year old boy to take a shower, all because of cake. Is there nothing sweets can't do? 

Eli baked with me all day. We got home from dinner and we got out our dough. It needed to sit out for a little while, so we started on our royal icing. We made orange, green, blue, and yellow. Our cookie shapes were pumpkins and ghosts. He did such a great job frosting all the cookies and said one day he and I would have our own baker. 

After we were done baking, he said it was time for us to go watch Cake Boss so we can learn some more techniques. We crawled into the large chair with me and fell asleep in my lap watching some crazy Italian-American from Jersey frost giant cakes:) I hope his dreams are just as sweet. Tomorrow: pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Stay tuned:)

Sugar Cookies

Ingredients

·         4 cups sifted all-purpose flour

·         1 teaspoon baking powder

·         1/2 teaspoon salt

·         1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature

·         2 cups granulated sugar

·         2 large eggs

·         2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

Directions

1.     Sift flour, baking powder, and salt into a bowl.

2.     Put butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Mix in eggs and vanilla. Reduce speed to low. Gradually mix in flour mixture. Divide dough in half; flatten each half into a disk. Wrap each in plastic. Refrigerate until firm, at least 1 hour or overnight.

3.     Preheat oven to 325 degrees with racks in upper and lower thirds. Let one disk of dough stand at room temperature just until soft enough to roll, about 10 minutes. Roll out dough between two pieces of plastic wrap to 1/4 inch thick. Remove top layer of plastic wrap. Cut out cookies with a 4-inch one-piece-shaped cookie cutter. To make an ornament, cut out a hole from the center of the neck about 1/4-inch from the edge using a straw. Transfer cookie dough on plastic wrap to a baking sheet. Transfer baking sheet to freezer, freeze until very firm, about 15 minutes. Remove baking sheet from freezer and transfer shapes to baking sheets lined with nonstick baking mats. Roll out scraps, and repeat. Repeat with remaining disk of dough.

4.        Bake, switching positions of sheets and rotating halfway through, until edges turn golden, 15 to 18 minutes. Let cool on sheets on wire racks.

Royal Icing 

Ingredients

·         1/2 cup meringue powder

·         8 cups confectioners' sugar

Directions

1.         Using a hand mixer with the beater attachments, beat together meringue powder with 1 cup water until peaks form. Add sugar and continue mixing until smooth. If mixture seems too thick, add water, 1 tablespoon at a time, and mix until desired consistency is reached. If mixture seems too thin, add confectioners' sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, until desired consistency is reached

           Ingredients

·         Nonstick cooking spray, for pan

·         4cups Pamela’s gluten free baking flour

·         1 teaspoon salt

·         1 tablespoon ground ginger

·         2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

·         1 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

·         1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

·         1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pan

·         2 1/2 cups packed light-brown sugar

·         4 large eggs

·         1 cup buttermilk

·         1 1/2 cups canned pumpkin puree

           Directions

1.       Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray a 14-cup Bundt pan with cooking spray. Dust with flour, and tap out excess.

2.        Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. Set aside.

3.        Beat butter and brown sugar together in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, on medium speed until pale and fluffy, 2 to 3 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition and scraping down sides of bowl. Reduce speed to low. Beat in flour mixture in 3 additions, alternating with the buttermilk. Beat until just combined. Add pumpkin puree, and beat until combined. Pour batter into prepared pan Bake cake until golden and a wooden skewer inserted into the center comes out clean, about 55 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack for 30 minutes. Carefully turn cake onto rack too cool completely.

My drive up the canyon

As I was driving up the canyon today, I forgot where I was for a moment. The winding road and the changing colors of the leaves reminded me of the fall in Vermont when I was in college. With the tires gliding around every curve, my body swaying in a constant, delicate motion, my eyes are forcefully on the road in an attempt not to stare at the trees. The rusted red, burnt orange and lustrous, golden leaves are mesmerizing and still today, a picture is not a beautiful as it being seen with my own eyes. As the car slowly embraces each curve, I am in no rush to reach the top. I am enchanted by the vibrant colors and desperate for a break in the canyon so I can sneak a peek at what is below me. Suddenly there is a change of scenery and I am in a forest of Quaking Aspen. The leaves of the Aspen tremble in the breeze with their tall, white, slender trunks and their large black eyes staring at me as if they loved me and their delicate leaves waving hello, welcoming me. My flash back is over and I come back, leaving behind my nostalgia. This is to no disappointment. As much as I loved Vermont, Utah is my home. I am not a native, but I have chosen Utah and I will forever be grateful for my choice.