F*CK IT FOOD

If you follow my blog or know me, you know I am a from scratch baker and home cook. But I am not above what I like to call Fuck It food. This goes out of my normal of French homemade, gluten free dishes. Today I want to reach out to my All-American, Mclovin' it, canned food eatin' Pillsbury dough folks. 

I have a collection of recipes at home filled with FUCK IT food. This is the shit you eat when you don't give a fuck. You put on your pajamas and eat the hell out of this because fuck everyone. And a sponge worthy recipe if I may say so myself. 

So make this on days when everyone can go to hell. Eat the whole damn pan in self-loathing/liberation and don't even worry about the 10 lbs you feel like you gained. It's so worth it. 

*WARNING: THIS IS NOT GLUTEN FREE, HEALTHY, CLEAN, OR GROWN ON THE HOMESTEAD. THIS IS FUCK IT FOOD*

Ingredients

• 2 crescent roll packages. 
• 2 8oz pks of cream cheese
• 1 egg
• 1 TSP vanilla
• 1 cup sugar +1/2 for topping
• 2 TBSP Cinnamon

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Using a hand mixer or a kitchen aid, beat together the cream cheese, vanilla, partially beaten egg, and ½ cup sugar until smooth.

Mix together the rest of the sugar (1/2 cup) and 2 tablespoons cinnamon. Set aside.
Spray a 9x13 baking dish with cooking spray and sprinkle ¼ cup (or half) of your cinnamon sugar mixture evenly into the bottom of the 9x13.

On a piece of parchment paper, roll out your crescent dinner roll dough into a big 9x13 square and press the seams together so the dough is completely sealed. Set the dough in the bottom of your 9x13 baking dish on top of the cinnamon sugar.

Spread the cheesecake evenly on top of your dough and unroll the other can of crescent dough and place on top also making sure that the seams are completely sealed.

Sprinkle the top with the remaining ¼ cup of cinnamon sugar mixture and bake for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown.

Garbure (French Ham and Vegetable Stew)

Garbure is a flavorful peasant stew from Gascony France. It's a very simple recipe, but very rich and bold. If this is how the peasants of France ate, it's hard to imagine them missing out on much. I love French food. This blog is dedicated to French and gluten free food. Today is a sad day for Paris. There have been mass shootings and at this point at least 153 people have died, others injured and taken hostage. What do you even say? Welcome to living in fear like we did for so long after 9/11? Hopefully this won't happen again? Not comforting. France will never forget this and neither will the world. Tragic. But all we can do now is show support and enjoy the simple beauty of French food and culture. After all, they brought us the best type of kissing, the most amazing art, an existential outlook on life, and the Statue of Liberty. Merci beaucoup.   


Ingredients

1 1/2 cups thinly sliced leek (about 1 large)
4 garlic cloves, chopped
4 cups no-salt-added chicken stock 
1/2 teaspoon dried herbes de Provence
1 cross-cut smoked ham hock (about 8 ounces)
1 bay leaf
6 ounces red potatoes, cubed
6 ounces turnip, cubed
1 large carrot, cubed 
4 cups thinly sliced Savoy cabbage
1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme
1 1/2 tablespoons cider vinegar
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
6 (1-ounce) slices country bread, toasted
1 garlic clove, halved
1 tablespoon butter, softened

 Directions 

1. Sort and wash beans. Place in a large Dutch oven. Cover with water to 2 inches above beans. Cover and let stand for 8 hours or overnight. Drain. (or use canned)
2. Heat oil in a large Dutch oven over medium heat; swirl to coat. Add onion. Cover and cook 8 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Add leek and chopped garlic; cook 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add soaked beans, stock, herbes de Provence, ham hocks, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 1 hour or until beans are just tender. Remove ham hock; cool slightly. Pick meat from bones; reserve meat. Discard bones and fat.
3. Add potatoes, turnip, and carrot to pan; cook 10 minutes or until tender. Stir in cabbage; simmer 4 minutes. Stir in parsley, thyme, vinegar, salt, and black pepper.
4. Rub toast slices with cut sides of garlic clove; spread evenly with butter. Serve toast with soup.

Potato Leek Soup Made With Your Best Julia Child Voice

Tonight I made Potato and Leek soup. Julia Child's recipe. This simple soup is elegant, creamy, and requires no adaptation to add flavor. The only thing I add to the soup is my Julia Child voice, which i'm told is on point.

French food is my specialty. I love how simple and clean it is. There is so much variety in a meal. Looking back over the recipes I have written in this blog, they are all French. I shifted away for a while to explore other cuisine, but I can't stay away from the fragrant, uncomplicated beauty of French food.

This is one of my favorite soups as it is. If you feel that you need to add a bunch of other ingredients, many people have adapted version of this recipe online. But here is the original from Julia Child's Master the Art of French Cooking.

This is a beautiful soup. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. It's the perfect time of year for it, too. When 4:30 pm feels like 6 and 6 pm feels like midnight. And don't forget dessert.

I may also add that I didn't use Russet potatoes. She doesn't specify the type of potato. I used 10 red and 10 yellow potatoes.

Ingredients:
1 lb potato, peeled 
3 cups leeks, thinly sliced (white and tender green parts only)
2 quarts water
1 tablespoon salt
4 -6 tablespoons whipping cream or 2 -3 tablespoons softened butter
2 -3 tablespoons chive

Directions:
Simmer vegetables, water and salt together, partially covered, 40-50 minutes until vegetables are tender.

Mash the vegetables in the soup with a fork, or puree in blender. Correct seasoning.

Just before serving, stir in cream or butter by spoonfuls. Add chives

That's it. Nothing but simple, clean food. Although I suggest having a slice of French ganache tart with it. I made one the other night. I didn't post my recipe, but if you want it I am happy to share it.
Happy cooking. I hope you all have help in the kitchen.

Insomnia Makes me Hungry

I found this blog. I completely forgot about it. Reading back at my life in 2012-13, I am so glad it's over. Onward and upward! Thank goodness for tomorrow. My tomorrows are finally something to look forward to. After years of heartache, I am back and happy.

I can't sleep. I am so tired but I just can't make it into bed. There are too many things to do. Nothing necessary, but with my child asleep and my husband out of town, between 9pm-6am I have all the time in the world. Who needs sleep when you can bake pie crusts.

Aside from the 3 meals I created today for my child, I made sausage and apple cornbread stuffing baked into an acorn squash and a French ganache pie. And it's only 10pm!

Insomnia makes me hungry.


Like so many white women in yoga pants drinking lattes, I love fall. Not for sweaters, I wear them year round (yes, folks, even in summer- no I dont have a thyroid problem), Not so much for the artificially
flavored pumpkin nonsense you all love so much, but for a similar reason: winter squash. Winter vegetables in general. I love root vegetables. I love to roast carrots, parsnips and beets-- stuff things into gourds and baked them, and most importantly, baking sweets.

 I long for the days when my daughter can sit still on the counter and be my official pourer and stirrer. I love to cook so much, but what I want more than ever is for my daughter to cook with me. We can use our silly Julia Child voices as we braise cucumbers, bake fresh baguettes, and chocolate cream pies. I want her to develop a sense of giving when she cooks, too. "Let's bake bread for the neighbors!" She will exclaim, "With tiny bottles of rosemary infused olive oil!" That's my girl. And of course she will want to wear the aprons we made together. A mom can dream, right?

And just a reminder, you never have to ask if something I  have made is gluten free because it's always gluten free. And if you want a recipe, I would be happy to give it to you.

Happy cooking. I hope you all have help in the kitchen.

Everything is Going to be Okay

I moved from Holly's house and I am currently staying with my mother. The sound of her voice is making me want to commit murder, and possible become a cannibal. It will not be long before you see me on the news, "Local woman caught grilling her mother's vocal cords. Says it has the texture of octopus..." However, I have found a roommate. Today's snowy weather has prevented me from leaving. I will head out tomorrow.

I am not in too much of a cooking funk anymore. When I first moved in, I cooked every night. I made a beautiful stuffed chicken breast with steamed broccoli and carrots and mashed potatoes. I was so hungry, I forgot to take a picture. I also made a lovely lunch of tomato basil soup and a mixed green salad, topped with grilled salmon. My mother likes rice and sauteed zucchini, so I make that a lot. We eat a lot of rice around here. I feel so bloated from all the tiny grains just sitting in my gut. I have put on a little weight here because I have been stressed out and eating a lot of chocolate. That will end now that I am moving. I live close to the University of Utah's Field House and I will have my own cute little kitchen. I noticed my roommate eats a lot of rice, too, but I am going to do my best to avoid grain all together, or try brown rice.

I want to take my blog more seriously, so I have decided to get a book on food blogging to teach me how to get your jerks to read this. I know nobody reads my blog. I get paid to blog, you would think I would have learned how to capture an audience. I also decided that I am going to make a small book of all of my food pictures. I am starting small and I made a calendar. If I like how the calendar looks, I will print a few out and try to sell that. I will use all the money I make to buy fresh, local ingredients to cook more. I want to learn new recipes and take really great pictures of my food, so I can share my recipes and my passion with all of you who don't read my blog.

I should go, I spiked my hot cocoa with Pinnacle Whipped Vodka and it is getting cold. Good night and good eating.

Keep Your Mouthshut and Keep Chewing

It has come to my attention that although I am not cooking, I am still eating. Who knew. I cannot say I am eating well, but I can say I am eating. Per my usual there is a lot of tension in my life and the people I choose to associate with, so this holiday season I have just kept my mouth shut and continued chewing. I have found other creative outlets this season, such as crafting. I made a few really pretty wreaths for my soon to be new apartment and look forward to hanging them in my own place. I have also made some new amazing friends and we eat together pray together and love together. They have become very special people in my life and I greatly appreciate them. We cook very simple and delcious meals of rice, vegetables, and fish and It is very enjoyable. I think the food tastes about 100 times better because the company is so spectacular. As those of you who read this (if any), probably have figured out this 2012 was NOT my year and I had to overcome far too much and I am so thankful for a new year and a new job and my new friends and my soon to be new apartment and all together new life. I have a lot of great things to look forward to this year and I feel like for once, things will go right for me. I am completely done with school, I have learned to live with practically nothing (which I actually like), I may not be cooking or baking as much as I want, but I have found other things I am really good at and enjoy doing a lot. Now I just need my personal blog to do as well as the blog I get paid to write. Oh yeah, I am officially a paid writer. Did I forget to mention that? :)


Lets talk New Years resolutions, shall we...
I have decided that I am not going to sit here and make an unrealistic list of things I will and will not do this year. I am going to continue my practice of changing how I react to things, not taking things so personally, continue staying in the present, meditating and doing yoga, and being the best person I can be. I just want to continue working on the goals I set for myself earlier this year so I don't set myself up for failure. I am aware of my flaws and the only ones I am going to fix are the ones that make me unhappy, not the ones you don't like. That is probably my resolution: I will work on making myself happy and now worrying about how other people feel about me. I will practice being myself instead of getting wrapped up in what I think others want from me. That makes me feel so selfish since I am a people pleaser, but I need to just not care what other people think and make sure I can stand me because I have to live with me everyday. But for fun, this is what I want my resolutions to be:
1. Eat More
2. Drink more wine
3. Write in my blog more
4. Make more hilarious self-depricating comments about myself
5. Spend more time with my friends
6. Be less bitter, but drink more bitters

Dinner and a Rosette

The world of culinary art has been unkind to me. There is nobody to cook for and those I have cooked for have liked it, and the food has been good, but it just wasn't enough for me. Something is missing and I can't seem to figure out what it is... ummm... maybe it is the fact that I am cooking in other people's kitchens and I don't have one of my own and the fact that my life is being held hostage and I don't have anything that belongs to me. I have been so lonely lately because nobody will let me cook. I wanted to roast a duck for Thanksgiving and make a real fest, but nobody wanted it. I wanted to do the same for Christmas, and my parents want to go out. I have cooked for a few friends and that has been fun, but once again, in their kitchens. There is something unkind about that to me. It seems violating and weird and I am not sure why. I had one disaster. I made lavender rosette teacakes and they tasted like bath oil. They were very cute and pretty, but lord they tasted like I licked someone's foot after an aromatic bath.

I did make a pretty good meal for my friend. He invited me over to cook dinner for him and I made my stuffed chicken with spinach and provolone cheese and added a wonderful mushroom cream sauce to the top, a recipe that was my inner Julia Child. He bought a soft red and I was not happy about it. He said not everything is about me. I found it selfish considering I was a guest for one and two, he isn't a wine drinker. Maybe things are not about me, but the wine should be my choice. I guess he felt that since he paid for it he could buy what he wanted and it wasn't about making me, his guest happy. He did it to prove a point in my opinion. This is the difference between my culture at home and everyone else's. My mom raised me better than that. Say what you want about her, but I have great manners and when I invite someone to my house and have them cook for me, I let them pick the wine and I certainly wouldn't go out and buy a sweet wine knowing they love full bodied. I have broken up with men for much less and I have learned my lesson with that one: Always bring my own wine. I don't deal well with men who do things just be controlling and prove a point and I felt that was his point. It was just rude in my opinion. I drank it and it was fizzy, sweet and did not go with what I cooked, but it did make a great deglaze, considering it was basically cooking wine. At any rate, I am completely miserable without a kitchen. I am at my mother's house, but she never eats. My step dad doesn't care about food and feels it is a waste of money to spend on anything but canned soup. I am so excited for the day when I get all my cooking stuff back and I have my own kitchen and I can listen to my cheesy 60 style French pop music in my cute apron and sing and cook and have people over who enjoy my cooking. I am sure I will find someone someday.